


The squad reacts to old Disney movies

by ChildOfSolace



Series: Fluff pieces (HiJack, JiMitri) [4]
Category: Anastasia (1997), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012), Treasure Planet (2002)
Genre: Disney, F/M, M/M, Reaction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChildOfSolace/pseuds/ChildOfSolace
Summary: The one where Jamie is the only Disney fan in the group, and the rest of the squad haven't watched a single one yet.Movies included, but not strictly in this order (except for first two)The Lion KingFinishedHerculesFinishedAladdinBeauty and the BeastSleeping Beauty/Snow White(Since I regard both as too short a plot to be lengthy on their own)CinderellaThe Little MermaidPeter PanPocahontasAtlantis101 Dalmations(plus Live Action)The Hunchback of Notre DamePinocchioTarzanSword in the StoneThe Black CauldronRobin HoodAnimal animations(Bambi, Aristrocats, Fox and the Hound, Etc.)Sequel rants/commendationsRemakes rants/commendations





	1. What do you mean you haven't seen it?

**Author's Note:**

> Disney characters' name changed in case I use them in future works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how American school system works, so I apologize for the inaccuracies
> 
> Also, I'm gonna follow up that group chat chapter later

"Man, Disney should just stop with the remakes already." Jamie sighed as he took some textbooks from his locker, "I mean, I think the Lion King one was just a CGI version of the original."

Jack frowned, scratching the back of his neck. "There was an original version?"

"What? Dude, of course there is. It's a classic. Everyone's seen it." Jamie snorted, turning towards the approaching brunette trio. "Hey guys, you know about the old Lion King movie, right?"

Dimitri shrugged, "I know there's a new lion movie out." He said. "Looks more like a documentary thing, if you go by the trailer."

"Didn't have cable growing up," Jim replied, "still don't. Plus, Disney is overrated anyway."

Hiccup hummed thoughtfully, "What's lion king?"

Jamie stared at his friends dumbfounded. "Okay, we are so having a movie night now." He said.


	2. The Lion King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this article: I watched [The Lion King](https://www.buzzfeed.com/shayanroy/let-me-have-whatever-rafiki-is-on?fbclid=IwAR2SsnYcQpm7CA5k1D0s4saCFDsNpvCOcdtZN12EWy6W7FajlCKp80pf_rs) as a grown-ass man.

Later that Friday evening, Jamie and his friends find themselves in the den of his home, parents out with the younger sister, and three bowls of popcorn with different flavors; cheese, butter, and barbeque. Plus, two boxes of pizza.

"Wow, Jay," Astrid whistled as she settled on a spot next to him, "you sure went all out for this."

Jamie shrugged, "Disney is my childhood." he said.

"I still say they're a gold digging empire," Jim deadpanned, but took a handful of popcorn. "But I never say no to free food."

Dimitri took a slice of pizza as Jack had too, and they 'toasted' to it, "Preach."

"Okay guys," Jamie rolled his eyes as he set Netflix on the television, "at least wait for the movie to start. Since I brought it up earlier, let's start with 'The Lion King.' I've got tissues ready in case you need it."

Jim snorted, rolling his eyes. "It's an Animated kids movie." He said. "Nobody cries over those.

───────────────

_ **🎶On the day we arrive on the planet~🎶** _

"Well, opening song sounds good." Jack hummed, "wouldn't mind getting it stuck in my head. Unlike that overrated Queen Ella single one."

Dimitri groaned, "Ohmygod, yes." he groused, "People will not shut up about it!"

"Okay boys." Astrid rolled her eyes, "focus."

They did so, but it didn't take long for someone else to speak up. "Whoa, now hold up. So, that monkey dude..." Jim frowned, and Jamie felt the need to pause the movie. "I mean, come on, this monkey chief dude comes hobbling around on a walking stick earlier, and you expect that he can hold a damn newborn over a cliff? That's shady, man."

"Just watch." Jamie rolled his eyes, smirking at his friend's offended expression. "Also, I'm gonna have to preemptively warn you to suspend your disbelief for a lot of these movies." He hits play once more.

And they watched.

_ **"He's as mad as a hippo with a hernia."** _

"That's some mad alliteration skills," Jack mused, "ugh, alliteration. Still confuse that with assonance."

Hiccup stared at his boyfriend, "The fact that you even bring that up casually..."

"Okay, feeling that Scar's the bad dude here." Astrid interrupted, "but I'm liking the accent."

_ **Rafiki is painting Simba on his tree...** _

"There's that shady baboon butt again, doing grafitti without his goddamn walking stick." Jim snorted, "I don't trust that punk."

Dimitri chuckled, giving his boyfriend a one-arm hug. "Pup, you have trust issues. It's your thing." He cooed, "it's a cartoon monkey, he can't hurt you."

"But he can hurt his fellow cartoon animal peeps." Jim countered. "Shady bastard."

Dimitri rolled his eyes, "and they say you're a cold, insensitive prick." He snorted.

"Wait, a Lion in a Pride mates with all the lioness..." Hiccup frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. "He's literally sleeping with his wife and the rest of his, uh, concubines in a single..."

Jamie groaned, "You're ruining my childhood here."

"So, this is that famous overmemed scene." Jack snorted, "pretty grand, I'll give it that. Tempted to google what the shadowy place is, though."

Jamie shook his head, taking Jack's phone. "No spoilers." He said. "It's coming up soon anyway."

_ **"Forgive me for not leaping in joy. Bad back, you know."** _

Hiccup nodded faux sagely, "Scar is me at every social gathering." He said.

"No, no! Don't, you gullible lion cub!" Jim shouted at the TV, much to everyone's amusement. "THAT DARK PLACE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT AN ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD, SIMBA. DON'T DO DUMB SHIT. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. GO TO LION CUB SCHOOL!"

Dimitri snickered, gesturing to his soulmark. "He's talking in capslock again." He said.

_ **🎶"I just can't wait to be king~!"🎶** _

"Okay, I'm so finding a playlist in Spotify now." Jack mused, scrolling at his phone that Jamie returned earlier. "These tunes are gonna be my jam."

Hiccup shrugged, "I still find it funny that the animals are so okay with their predators being their king. No revolution sparked by discontentment at all." He pointed out. "Sounds kinda fishy."

"Okay, anyone else feeling kinda awkward with Simba and Nala's sexual tension?" Jim voiced out, "I mean, they're kids... Or cubs... Whatever. They're young."

Hiccup nodded, "Not to mention, cousins. Being in the same Pride..." He trailed off as Jamie kicks him lightly on the shin.

"Again, ruining childhood for me." Jamie sighed, and Astrid rubs his arm soothingly.

Jim points at the screen accusingly, "Ah! An elephant graveyard!" he gawked. "okay, was wrong on that, but still creepy as hell. Especially now that practically everywhere in the Savannah is an elephant graveyard... Even a rhino graveyard."

Jack shook his head, "Guys, you need to chill."

"Okay, these hyenas reminds me of that old Cartoon Network show, Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy." Hiccup mused, "Especially Ed, who's basically Ed. Can't be a coincidence."

Astrid snickered, "He's also you; laughing or making jokes to laugh about in inappropriate situations." she teased. "Got us in trouble a lot in those 'bring your kid to work' events."

"Aaaand Mufasa comes in to save the day," Jack slow clapped, "knew it. But boy, is Simba grounded. You done fucked up, kid."

_ **"I'm surrounded by idiots..."** _

Jim huffed, leaning back against the couch and Dimitri's arm. "Mood." He deadpanned. "Also, calling out their cruelty to animated zebras."

"I know right?" Dimitri humored him, "where the fuck is PETA when you need them?"

Jamie snorted, smirking at them, "Uh, I don't know... Reality?"

"Doesn't feel like it either." Astrid quipped, "elephants still dying everywhere."

Jack rolled his eyes, "Fucking chill guys."

"Ah, Hiccup, look. How's that for discontentment?" Astrid pointed at the screen, "Scar's not satisfied with being sass king of the jungle. Wants to run for real king, that can't end well."

Hiccup shrugged, "I'll take it." He said, "and it's not a jungle, actually.

"Dude has mad pipes though." Jack pointed out, "I'd definitely attend the opening night of 'Scar: The Musical.'"

Jamie hummed thoughtfully, "Huh, a lion king remake with his perspective instead would be an improvement." He said.

_ **"Simba, it's to die for!"** _

"Okay Hiccup, take notes." Astrid quipped, "Scar's pun game is topnotch."

Hiccup snorted, tossing a throw pillow her way. "Must've learned from me." He shot back, "I'm a master."

"Still," Astrid said, laughing as she threw the pillow back, "I have the feeling this is the point of the movie I'm gonna start hating Scar."

Jamie cringed as the stampede started, and he paused the movie much to everyone's frustration. "Okay, guys. Again, maybe you need ti—" he trailed off.

"PLAY THE DAMN MOVIE!"

Jamie did so. And he found it strangely satisfying when everyone cried out a despairing 'NOOOOOOOOOO!' along with Simba as Mufasa fell to his death.

"Mufasa is dead?!?!" Jim gawked, "he died?!!? Just like DUMBLEDORE?!?!?! Just like MY FATHER?!" He whimpered, leaning on Dimitri as his boyfriend reached for the box of Kleenex from Jamie. "Feeling unusually upset right now. It's a damn kid's movie. It has no right to be hitting it home, and right to the feels."

Dimitri sighed, patting his back consolingly. "There, there..."

"Fuck you, Scar. Just..." Jim groused, "Fuck. You."

Astrid sighed, taking a sheet from the Kleenex herself. "Gotta say, though," she started, "for a schemer like Scar, he sure does skimp on the quality of his henchmen. Letting Simba go is gonna bite him in the ass someday. Guaranteed."

"Okay," Jamie paused the movie. "intermission. Who needs a bio-break?"

Jim just stood up and went for the bathroom. The rest finished the pizza and Dimitri made sure to leave some for Jim.

**TBC Part 1 of 2**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still love Disney. But I don't do so blindly.


	3. The Lion King

"You good, Jim?

"Shut up and play the movie." The brunette groused, "ugh, I can't believe I cried. Damn you Scar."

Jamie laughed as he plays the movie once more. "Told you you'd need tissues."

"Screw you, man."

───────────────

_ **"Mufasa's death was a terrible loss..."** _

Jim eats his pizza. He continues to curse Scar as he speaks of Mufasa's death. "Don't fall for his crap, come on!" He scowled. "Zazu, he fucking slammed you to a rock!" He sighed, "Why the hell are you letting him become king? This is why you animals are getting extinct."

"It's.... really not." Hiccup protested.

Dimitri massaged his shoulders, "Jim, you can print out a picture of Scar and dart him, okay pup?" He soothed.

"The hyenas look like they can get shit done, though." Jack mused, "well, except for giving Simba the slip."

Jim hummed, "Oh, baboon guy. Almost forgot about this dude." He said. "Cutting him some slack because I feel he's going to drop some Yoda shit on this bitch."

"You get so feisty when you're irritable." Dimitri mused, "and this is why Scroop secretly has a thing for you."

"WHAT!"

"What?"

"Don't worry," Dimitri shrugged, kissing the tip of his nose. "I don't share."

Jim huffed, "Well, I bloody hope not!"

_ **"You gotta put your behind in your past."** _

"Gotta get a tattoo of this Pumbaa quote." Jack joked, "words to live by 101."

Hiccup audibly whimpered, taking Jack's hand. "Please don't " he said. "Your skin's perfect. It's bad enough that my choice of words already marred it."

"Aw, babe..." Jack hugged him, "you know I love it."

Astrid blew a raspberry. "Get a room."

"Uh, my house, so no." Jamie protested.

Jim blinked, "Wait, I know this is Timon and Pumbaa because I had them on a pencil case when I was eight or something. Then, I got one of space and that was that." He started. "But damn, I didn't know Hakuna Matata was from here. I have heard this song before, I am not entirely ignorant."

_ **"I'm so hungry, I can eat a whole Zebra."** _

"I'm condemning this casual Zebra slaughter," Hiccup declared. "Let it be known. You can't just eat a whole Zebra, Simba. Come on."

Astrid gagged, "Insects? Really?" She shakes her head. "Simba's diet is fucked. I'm not a nutritionist or a zoologist, but I really, really, don't think insects are enough to get Simba through all those years in the jungle. I mean, it's like asking humans to survive on dog food alone."

"And yet he has grown into a fine-ass lion over the course of about three bars of song." Jack whistled, "Intriguing. Switching to insect-based diet after the movie."

Hiccup shakes his head, "Snowflake, I rather you go vegan."

_ **Rafiki appears and takes Simba's floating fur with the dandelions...** _

"There's monkey Yoda again," Jim snorted, "jumping down on trees, not a walking stick in sight. He's on to something though, so I'll let it sli—HOLD THE PHONE!" The brunette balked, "Did baboon man REALLY figure out Simba was still alive from smelling dandelions that floated from miles away?"

Dimitri rubbed his back in circles, "Pup, stop being antagonized by the damn monkey already." he snickered, "it's cute, but I'm worrying over your mental health."

"Don't tell me what to do, dimwit." Jim scoffed, "I mean, really, this insane Yoda monkey with inconsistent usage of walking aids might be the movie's last hope. How to feel about this, I don't know."

_ **"AAAAAAH!"** _

Hiccup hummed, faux sadly. "We're gonna lose Pumbaa. I can feel it." he said. "Life's just not fair, and warthogs just aren't fast."

"Oh, wait, it's Nala!" Jack cheered, "Yaaay!"

The freckled brunette snorted, crossing his arms. "Nala goes from hunting Pumbaa one minute to having a conversation with him after Simba vouches for him?" he shook his head, "So, tell me how there aren't any riots with the predators being friends with some preys, and others not? Unjustifiable exceptions."

"Guys, suspend your disbelief." Jamie sighed, "I think I gave out that warning earlier."

_ **🎶...You needn't look too far; Stealing through the night's uncertainties, love is where they are~🎶** _

"Whoa, 'Can you feel the love tonight' was from this movie? Okay, it's official, I'm in love with this soundtrack." Jack made an exaggerated bowing down motion towards the screen, "Hands down one of the best soundtracks I've ever heard."

Dimitri narrowed his eyes at the screen, in scrutiny. "They totally boned at this scene, right?" he deadpanned. "I mean, did you see those bed room sex eyes?"

Jim stuffed him with a pillow, "At least the sexual tension between them doesn't feel as awkward now."

** _"You said you'd always be there! But you're not... it's because of me..."_ **

Hiccup nodded his head, "Sexual tension replaced with crippling self-loathing, just like real life." he sighed, "feel ya, Simba."

"God, I don't know how many therapists mom made me see until I finally got over blaming myself for my sperm donor leaving us." Jim sighed, shaking his head. "and then guidance counseling when we found out he killed himself a few months before Freshemen year started."

Dimitri stared at his boyfriend worriedly, "Pup, do you need a hug?" he embraced him without waiting for a response.

"It ain't your fault, Jim. Shit happens... Especially stampedes if you're in a forest."

Jamie sighed, "Savannah."

"Real talk, though," Astrid mused, "shit happens when you've got scheming uncles who planned to push their brother off the buffalo freeway."

The brunette stared at his girlfriend before picking up his phone, "I'm tweeting that."

_ **Rafiki appears humming incoherently...** _

"I swear to god, this monkey is on meth." Jim snorted, shaking his head. "Yeap, he just called Simba a baboon. This primate is trippin'."

Dimitri stared at the rest of his friends, as if he was in 'The Office'. "I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I?"

"Better not bring him to any Zoos soon," Jack advised. "He might try to throw rocks at the monkey containment."

"Okay, I take it back." Jim raised his arms, "This is going to be some pivotal revelatory shit." he started.

** _"Correction, I know your father."_ **

Jim glared at the screen, pointing an accusing finger. "Okay, still trippin'" He scowled at the meditation monkey, "I hope this really is Mufasa and not some metaphorical mambo-jumbo. If not, I call subterfuge."

Jamie was starting to wonder if this whole movie marathon was a good idea. They were just starting with the first one, and Jim already seems like a lost cause. Maybe there was a reason innocent children were the target audience.

"CALLED IT," Jim growled at the television, "that's a reflection, you punk-ass monkey. Way to let a brother down." He shook his head, frowning as the screen shows cloud Mufasa. "Aaaaand now he's slipped Simba some acid. Just great."

Definitely a bad idea.

"Wow, it worked." Even Hiccup is surprised. "who'da thunk it. Hm, might wanna check for hidden projectors, though. Monkey might've pulled a Mysterio... Well, for a good cause, but still. Jim's got it right with subterfuge."

Dimitri glared at him, "Dude, spoiler alert."

"Oops." Hiccup blushed, "sorry."

Jack blinked at the screen, "What the fuck," he scowled, "He just left Nala behind and returned home? When it was her idea in the first place? Bro, that's your soulmark. Boy, is he in for some pain."

"I think this came out before the discovery of soulmarks." Hiccup patted his hand soothingly. "there, there.... What we should really be questioning is that desert. I'm still wondering how there's even an oasis in this movie."

Jamie face palmed, "Suspend your disbelief, suspend... Oh, forget it." he groaned.

_ **🎶"He**_ _**eeee's a big pig (Yup, yup). You could be a big pig too. Oy!"🎶** _

"In a movie filled with amazing songs," Jack snickered, "Timon's luau song's gonna be my personal favorite. Bonus points for presentation."

Astrid sighed, placing a hand on her forehead. "And they fell for it," she tossed her hand in a 'I'm so done' manner. "This is why you hire quality hit man, Scar. You can't half-ass a coup and not expect repercussions."

"Well, if he was Loki-smart," Jamie shrugged, "well, there's no Avengers to beat him up and the heroes don't win."

Jim snorted, "Simplified hero-winning's overdone." he said. "Villain redemption arcs like Zuko's should start catching on."

"So, you have no cable for Disney," Dimitri started, "but you know ATLA?"

Jim shrugged, "A therapist was a fan," he explained, "and she thought it'd help with my father abandonment issues. Confirmed: It did."

** _"I killed Mufasa..."_ **

Hiccup face palmed, and groaned as if he was in real agony. "Aaaagh, typical villain behavior." he groused, "shut your damn Zebra-holes, and finish the job for once, you idiots never learn."

"Chat shit, get banged, Scar." Dimitri snickered, "Chat shit, get banged."

Jim stuffs a pillow at him once more, "Stop it with the innuendos!" he sighed, as he stared at screen. He raised a brow, "Amidst this all-out melee, meth-monkey is doing some serious damage. How, I do not know."

"Well, guess he's been hiding his _pizzaz _all along."

**Simba and Scar finally battle it out**

"NOOOOOOO!"**  
**

"YEEEEEEEEES!"

Jack cheered, "SIMBA WINS." he grinned, "And the hyenas have also found a temporary solution to their food shortage. Win-win."

"This was a kid's movie..." Jim narrowed his eyes at the screen, "and they heavily implied Scar getting gang-devoured."

Jamie snorted, and snickered. "You should see the one when the villain got hanged from the treetops."

"WHAT!"

** _"Remember who you are..."_ **

"Feel like 'The Eye of the Tiger' would be a proper song for this moment," Jack mused, before pausing in thought, "wait, wouldn't that be 'Eye of the Lion', then?"

Hiccup laughed, shaking his head. "And just like that, the land is glorious again. No mention of rehabilitation process with might have included replanting trees, and attracting livestock with lucrative real estate prices." he mused.

"Let's just hope this heralds a decline in the merciless killings of animated Zebras." Jim snorted, "still unsure as to how meth-monkey hasn't managed to drop a cub off the cliff yet."

Jamie shook his head, as he went back to Netflix's home screen, and grinned towards his friends, "Now, as payback for effectively ruining my childhood, here's a little piece of info to mindblow you guys: The Lion King is basically Hamlet but with lions, and a happy ending."

"WHAT!"

"Ohmygod!" Jack balked, "IT IS! IT SO IS!"

Hiccup frowned, shaking his head. "I can't believe I didn't see it," he frowned. "And I fucking love Hamlet. I feel like I've let Shakespeare down."

"Baboon man should've made like Yorick and turned into a skeleton head..." Jim snorted, "Wait, was that why they made Scar hold that skull in a certain way?"

Dimitri rolled his eyes, "And here I thought we moved past the whole Rafiki antagonized drama."

Jamie laughed outloud, clutching his stomach. "Just wait till you see the Romeo and Juliet sequel."

"Can we get a movie with more..." Astrid scrunched up her nose, "... humans please?"

**END Part 2 of 2**


	4. Hercules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Used this [Hercules](https://www.buzzfeed.com/samstryker/questions-after-watching-hercules?origin=btm-fd) for references

By this time, Jamie's folks have come home but without the little sister who actually had a sleepover planned out with Jack's sisters, Emma and Pippa. Jack decided to avoid going home then waking up to a house filled with young girls in the morning, so he decided to stay in Jamie's house for the night, too. He isn't allowed to sleepover at Hiccup's without prior notice and consent. The parents turned in early for the night, and just asked the teenagers not to stay up too late even though it's the start of the weekend, and not to make much noise.

"So, I had Astrid pick and she wants this one next." Jamie navigates the screen to a film marked as '_Hercules_'. "This time, my warning is not to expect this to be mythologically accurate."

Hiccup snorted, rolling his eyes. "Jamie, we just watched a film about talking and singing lions, which happened to violate Shakespeare's sentiments on tragedies." he deadpanned. "please, accuracy is far from my expectations at this point."

───────────────

** _🎶"It was a nasty place; There was a mess wherever you step."🎶_ **

"Okay, who do I need to contact about the Muses getting their own spin-off?" Jack spoke up, "Because it NEEDS to happen, and they can START by casting Rihanna. I'd settle for an album, so throw me a bone."

Hiccup smiled at his boyfriend fondly, "Remind me to get you an MP3 on your birthday." he mused, "Still, this is way off. Gospel truth? Yeah, right. Where the hell is Kronos? And Gaea? Titans don't look like those. They _aren't _those. Riordanverse is more accurate than this shit."

"Heed the warning," Jamie chanted, consciencesque, in the background. "heed the warning."

** _Zeus is seen playing and cooing with baby Hercules as Hera watches them and receives flowers from Hermes..._ **

Dimitri raised a brow, "What's with Zeus and his Olympic-sized pecs staring you in the face?" he frowned, "and why is his nipple a swirly? I mean, damn daddy. But it's weird."

"You'd be surprise how many Disney dads just spells 'Hot damn.'" Jamie snickered, thinking of King Triton, Kasim, and even that Chinese heroine's old man. "Trust me, they're probably the sexual awakening of half the girls who grew up watching them."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "'Damn daddy'," He snorted, "Understatement of the century. The guy can't keep it his pants, his name should be 'Damn daddy.' And Hera is _not _supposed to be this loving towards that baby. Hell, she isn't loving at all! That baby isn't even supposed to be a god! And my cat is cuter than that Pegasus."

"Oh boy," Jack scootch closer, patting his boyfriend at the back, "have a feeling it's my turn here, Dimitri."

Dimitri held up his can of coke in mock cheer, "Have fun."

** _"Well, they're just fine, you know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?"_ **

Dimitri snorted, shaking his head. "Sounds like high school during exam week." he remarked.

"Can't blame the guy, though." Jim mused, "I mean, you're in charge of managing the dead lost souls, and nobody even wants you at the party. I mean, at least drop a 'thank you' basket, Zeus." He shook his head, "Calling it now, that anger and bitterness is leading up to the villain in the making."

Hiccup sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Now, the guy's just misunderstood. Even in 'The Lightning thief', not the accursed movie one, the actual book, Persey totally jumped the gun by accusing him as the evil mastermind."

"Dude," Jamie deadpanned, "if you're gonna keep comparing this to the PJO-HOO-ToA series, you're gonna be sorely disappointed." 

** _"Memo to me, memo to me: Maim you after my meeting..."_ **

Astrid face palmed, "Ohmygod, not again..." she complained, "what is with evil villains and their poor choice of minions?"

"Comic relief?" Jamie shrugged, "And Zeus didn't seem to give him much of a choice, having him manage that domain. Maybe he didn't have much of a choice on workers, too. Big man must've thought 'What doesn't look good for an Olympus portrait?' then BAM, Hades got these two."

Jim rolled his eyes, snorting. "Budget cuts." he deadpanned. "always the excuse for system shortcomings."

"At least... Hades is aware?" Jack said, but it sounded like a question.

Hiccup shook his head, "Scar was aware, too."

"They're gonna screw this up again," Astrid declared, "heard from me first, they're gonna half-ass whatever assignment Hades gives them."

** _Hercules doesn't drink the vial to the last drop, and it leads to him easily beating up the minions as snakes._ **

"Told you."

Dimitri shrugged, "In their defense," he started, "they tried harder than the hyenas had. The old folks just came and interrupted."

"What is up with Zeus though?" Hiccup snorted, "I mean, it's obvious this doesn't follow canon. That said, if here he rules all the cosmos, is there really NOTHING in his power that he can do to help Hercules when he's sapped of his powers? I mean, all he basically did was drink some evil baby formula; not even a backstory on how it was made! Was it from the river Lethe? Styx?" he rolled his eyes, "Seems pretty wishy washy to me."

Jamie shrugged, "Well, guess there wouldn't be a story if that can happen."

"Fuck the story, this is lazy writing." The freckled brunette scoffed, "not to mention completely illogical."

Astrid gestures vaguely, "A giant man in the clouds just made a flying horse out of clouds," she deadpanned, "Screw logic."

** _"Nice catch... Jerk-ules."_ **

Jim seemed sorely disappointed with the scene, "That's it?" he snorted, "I came up with smarter comebacks to better insults when I was eight."

"Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine," Dimitri sighed fondly, shaking his head. "you're just a beckon of the brightest, positive thinking."

Jim rolled his eyes, nudging his boyfriend. "We can't all be rainbows and sparkles."

"Wow, and I thought I screwed up bad when I was a kid." Hiccup sympathize, "dad should be grateful I never fell an entire town."

Astrid snorted, "You don't have Hercules's strength to do so, fishbone." she teased. "And I don't know what's up with the legal system in this time, but the dude should've gotten serious time sentencing for that accident."

"Would take up too much time in the movie," Jamie pointed out, before pausing the film. "refilling popcorn bowls. Go ahead and use the bathroom if you need to."

**TBC Part 1 of 2**


	5. Hercules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any next Disney classic you'd want to read about? Please drop it in the comments. Thank you!

"Okay, popcorn refilled." Jamie declared as he returned to the den, "we all set?"

Dimitri waved a dismissive hand, "The father here is actually a god, so don't have to worry about him pulling a Mufasa. Jim's good," he said lazily, lifting up a pillow in time to negate the expected jab from his boyfriend, "The old man's a mortal though, but I guess he's lived his time."

Everyone stared at the Russian, "Dude," Jack shook his head, "that's cold."

"You said we needed to chill."

Jim face palmed, "Just..." he sighed, "play the damn movie."

───────────────

** _Giant, Stone statue Zeus reaches down for Hercules who immediately started to ran away in panic..._ **

"Okay, maybe not the right hello to give a father, that's true. But totally valid, all things considered." Hiccup deadpanned, "if my dad appeared to me that way on our first meeting, I'd freak out, too."

Jack looked at his boyfriend, raising a brow. "Uh, you were a baby on your first meeting. Probably cried like most do, too." he gestured to the film, "he probably did look like that to you."

"Point taken." Hiccup conceded.

Dimitri snorted, "He still kinda does look like a giant, dude," he said. "my pops isn't his age, but he's sure close to the mortal dad's physique. Hopefully, still has a couple of years in him."

"First time I met my father, he was several feets under ground." Jim shrugged.

Astrid nodded in sympathy, "My dad's barely home. Pretty much like this guy." she scowled, "like, seriously, he's the king of the gods. And it took him eighteen years to explain to his son he needed to be a hero? Holding out on him a bit, no?"

Jack narrowed his eyes, shaking his head, holding up his arms as if it surrender, "You know what," he started, "I'm not even gonna try anymore."

"I will," Jamie spoke up, "guys, chill."

_ **"Two words; I am retired!"** _

"That's three words. Maybe they meant I'm retired?" Jack suggested, "or maybe it's intentional? For comedy purposes?"

Hiccup shrugged, "If you translate it in Greek, you'd get Είμαι συνταξιούχος. That's technically two words." he said.

"Wha—" Jamie stared at the guy, "Real talk, man, do you eat knowledge for breakfast?"

The freckled brunette shrugged, "My side dish to the main course of despair."

"Seriously, though." Astrid huffed, "is no one gonna call Phil out on the voyeurism? I mean, it's a kids movie."

Jamie sighed, shaking his head. "You'd be surprise how many hidden, dirty jokes there actually are in Animated films, even cartoons." he said.

"Ain't nothing hidden about the dirty jokes in 'The Sausage Party.'" Jack said, shuddering. "I swear, I almost decided to go vegetarian. Except vegetables are food, too."

Jim recoiled from his friend, "Dude," he scrunched up his nose. "never mention that film again."

** _🎶"It takes more then sinew; comes down to what's in you, you have to continue to grow~ Now that's more like it!"🎶_ **

Jack narrowed his eyes at the screen, "Okay, first Simba with his bug eating diet, then a few training sessions gets this guy from twig to a giant oak?" He asked, "Disney's one false advertisement of quick, body improvement. Good work out song, though."

"Again," Jamie shrugged, "it would take too much time. Most time skips are implied in montage form. You should see Tarzan."

Astrid yawned, "Maybe next week?" she suggested, "this movie's the last one in me for tonight."

"For someone who didn't want to do it at first though," Hiccup started, "he sure went all out."

Dimitri shrugged, "If you were struck by lightning, threatened by a dude's parent god," he said. "you would, too."

"If you were struck by lightning," Jim deadpanned, "you'd be dead."

** _"I am a damsel, I am in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day."_ **

"Yeah," Astrid clapped her hands, "you tell him, girl. Forget Scar, here's a real sass king."

Hiccup raised a brow, "Don't you mean sass queen?"

"Nuance," The blond waved her hand dismissively, "she rules."

Jack raised a brow, scratching the back of his head. "What's a girl like her doing in a place like that?" he wondered, "Pick-up line unintended."

"Maybe she's Hades in disguise, recruiting better minions for his evil army." Jim said, monotonously. Jamie coughed as he ate from his popcorn, "Whoa, did I hit a nail on the head?"

Jamie said nothing. They continued to watch in silence.

"Okay, I got it mostly right." Jim shrugged, "what do you know."

Jamie sighed, holding a hand to his head, "Yeah, but now I have a female Hades in my head being picked up by a man in hooves." he shook his head. "And Hercules having a crush on him-her." he shuddered.

"Cool." 

** _Hercules holds a pose as Phil tries to sell his service to the townspeople of Thebes_ **

Hiccup scrunched up his nose, "A bit condescending, aren't they?" he scoffed, "For a city that is being decimated by a hodgepodge of disasters, don't they seem a LITTLE picky over who is going to save the day?"

"Well, guy popped out of nowhere and says he's a hero," Astrid shrugged, "I'd be wary, too."

Jack snorted, "I'd be wary with any guy who grew muscles overnight." he said. "Radioactive spiders don't exist in real life."

"Again, montage. Passage of time."

Hiccup hummed thoughtfully at the screen, "Huh... IX-I-I. That's technically 9-1-1." he blinked. "Ooooh..."

"Hic," Jamie started, "you're too quick with the smarts."

**_🎶"He was a no one; A zero, a zero. Now he's a honcho; He's a hero! He was a kid with his act down pat. Zero to hero in no time flat; Zero to hero, just like that"🎶_ **

"Wow, I'm liking this better than 'Can't wait to be king'," Jack mused, "might be the best song I've heard so far."

Hiccup chuckled, smiling fondly at his song-enthused boyfriend, "You know, you're making me want to take up music and write songs for you, babe." he said.

"Ohmygod," Jack hugged his brunette, "yes, please!"

Dimitri clapped Hiccup at the shoulder, "Dude, I'll learn with you." he said. "we could write songs for our brunettes all day long!"

"Ohmygod," Jim groaned, "Don't even."

Jamie looked towards Astrid, "I could also—"

"Hon, please," Astrid reached over and patted his hand fondly, "you're the brunette, I'd be the one writing songs for you."

** _Hades blows a fit, literally, when he sees his minions wearing Hercules merchandise..._ **

"Okay, to be fair," Hiccup started, "that reddish one was asking for it."

Jack rolled his eyes, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, he all but rubbed it in Hades's face."

Dimitri hummed as he stared at the screen, almost in scrutiny, "I've been wondering, since the dude's rocking a flaming blue haircut, what's his situation down THERE?" He snickered, "Like, is he quite literally a fire crotch?"

"Ohmygod!" Jim and Jamie both threw pillows at him now, "must you make it weird?"

"Must you continue ruining my childhood?"

Jack leaned towards Hiccup and Astrid, as he whispered, "I'm betting money Dimitri has a punishment kink," he said.

"Yeah," Hiccup snorted, pointing at the screen, "look who else has a punishment kink."

Astrid and Jack takes a look, and balked, "Is that Scar?!"

**_🎶"No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no."🎶_ **

"Never mind what I said earlier; this is the best song of the movie so far. And it sounds like your theme song, Jim." Jack teased, nudging his friend. "Didn't think there was anyone more in-denial than you."

Jim rolled his eyes, "What's there to deny?"

"That you love the idea of Soulmarks binding you and Dimitri together," Jack shrugged, "and you get jealous when no else gets the memo?"

Jim snorted, scowling at him. "It's annoying, sure." he said. "But I wouldn't get jealous over it. I mean, I've got his stupid soulmark."

"That you secretly love." Dimitri quipped.

Jim rolled his eyes, "Your words."

"Hmmm..." Jack hummed, grinning mischievously, "Hey, did you know Dimitri was supposed to be engaged to Anya Romanov after they graduate High school?"

Jim and Dimitri balked, "WHAT?"

"Wait, no." The Russian protested, "that was a misunderstanding!"

Jim eyed his boyfriend suspiciously, "There was something to misunderstand?" he groused, "Soulmarkings not enough for them?"

"There isn't any now!" Dimitri promised. "And my parents adore you!"

Jack laughed, and he winked at Jamie. His best friend got the cue, "_You keep on denying who you are and how you're feelin' baby we're not buyin' hon, we saw you hit the cei—_"

Astrid throws a pillow at them as she rewinds the scene, "Hey, I'm loving this song, too." she groused, "let me enjoy it."

** _"He's a guy!"_ **

"A lot of people say Hades sounds like a 'Gay' best friend here." Jamie told them.

Astrid hummed her agreement, "Yeah, I hear it... and see it."

Jack and Dimitri, with their boyfriends, stared at each other, and grinned as they cried out in unison, "He's a guy!" They gestured to Jamie.

"Ohmygod," Astrid face palmed, "we have gay best friends."

Jamie shook his head, "That's even worse than Megara's flaming one."

_ **Megara gets crushed by a pillar and Hercules gets his powers back** _

Astrid glared at the screen, "Once again, he might be the evil mastermind and not me, but I'm not impressed by Hades' nefarious decision making capabilities." she sighed, throwing her hands up in the air. "If the girl getting injured was the one way his spell over Hercules could break, wouldn't he do EVERYTHING in his power to make sure she wasn't harmed?"

"Plot twist," Hiccup said sagely, "Hades turned out to be a jealous gay and actually wanted Meg out of the picture all this time and wanted to make a move on Hercules."

Jamie cringed, recoiling from his friend. "NEVER write a storyboard for a Disney film."

**_🎶"Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops; A star is born!"🎶_ **

** _ _ **

"So, after all that struggle to become a god..." Jim drawled, "he just... gave it up? For a girl?"

Astrid rolled her eyes, "It's the moral. Technically, the guy wanted to find where he belonged. And he did." she said. 

"Just like Persey." Hiccup nodded sagely, "Plus, you'd do the same for your Soulmark."

Jack hugged his boyfriend, "Yeah, no one's asking the real question though," he said. "Did Hades... die?"

"Well, he's a god, so..." Dimitri frowned, "Then again, this film's been inaccurate with the entire Greek mythology, so..."

Jamie snickered, "Just wait for it."

The credits rolled. And Hades is heard as the blue Castle comes on screen.

"Ooooh..."

**END Part 2 of 2**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to finish [Treasure Planet, Retold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331976/chapters/48208279) sometime this week, but it's been busy at work so no promises. Still, it would be finished by September. that's what I can promise.


	6. Remake review: The Lion King

For a night out, which looked pretty much like a triple date night though not directly acknowledged, Jack and his friends were going to watch 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' only to find out that the showing time had ended. Instead, they decided to watch 'The Lion King' remake. Hiccup hadn't minded as much, as he already watched the superhero movie with his family, plus Uncle and Snotlout. Jim didn't know how to feel about having to see Mufasa die again. Still, it wasn't like he could mention it outloud. He had hoped that maybe, since it was a remake, they would change that part.

He was sorely disappointed.

"It was almost the same!" Jim groused, "And dimwit had it right, it was pretty much a documentary."

Dimitri sighed, shaking his head. "He says I'm right, and still calls me a dimwit." he complained.

"And the monkey! Still shady as fuck."

Dimitri groaned, face palming. "And I just shut him up about that, too."

"I thought it was okay," Jack shrugged, throwing an arm around Hiccup, casually. "Definitely didn't mind hearing the new renditions of those songs. Simba's 'wannabe-king' song was easier to understand this time around, even without subtitles. Though, kinda upset that 'Morning Report' wasn't there. Jury's still out with the changes on 'Be Prepared.' Definitely missed the Hyenas marching out. Felt a vibe of 'Brave Heart''s speech scene though, so it was good."

Jamie shrugged, "The 'Morning Report' song was just an addition in one of the special edition copies." he said.

"There were some other good additional scenes, too." Jack acknowledge. "It wasn't just the songs they improved, to fit the times."

Astrid nodded, "I like how Serabi was touched more in this one, and more screen time for Nala." she grinned, "loved the little hornbill having her back when she escaped Pride Rock. Scar trying go move in on her definitely made it feel more like Hamlet, too."

"Yeah. Scar felt more evil here." Jim noted, thankfully nothing about shade-shaming of baboons. "Maybe it's the lack of cartoony-humor on his character line, but there was definitely a more menacing feel to him."

Jamie nodded, "The hyenas being better minions might've helped there." he added. "Less dumber, I think. Maybe the touch with them adding a female head in their pack helped. If she went down to check Simba, he'd definitely be done for."

"Yeah! Great addition, for sure. I love what they did with Nala, and how she started returning even with Simba." Astrid agree whole-heartedly, "that one-on-one with Nala should've been longer, for sure. You have someone who threatened to eat you as a child, and you finally get to have a go on her just— blood should've been spilt."

Jamie stared at his girlfriend worriedly, Dimitri threw him an empathetic look. "Spitfire soulmates, am I right?" he grinned, "gotta love them."

"Bug diet still worked for Simba." Jack spoke up, "though, it's just dawning on me how it may not be as effective, since Nala still got the best of him."

Astrid snorted, "No, it's just her natural, superior strength as a huntress." she protested. "Simba slacking off in the jungle just made it infinitely easier for her."

"Speaking of jungle," Jack grinned, "the extended version to that song made it a thousand times better! How about you, Hic? What did you like about it?"

Hiccup shrugged, "Aside from the lack of casual Zebra-slaughter?" He mused, "I like that more animals were involved in the Oasis scene. In hindsight, it was kinda odd that only a meerkat and warthog occupied the area; not counting the bugs. Because, duh, bugs are everywhere."

"So true," Astrid groaned. "even in places they shouldn't be in... like my favorite boots."

Dimitri shrugged, "I still say they boned." He grabbed Jim's hand expectantly, and simply gave it a kiss, while accepting the light jab of the other. "And I like that they at least made Scar try to fight the hyenas back, instead of cowering away. It felt more natural. You know, animal survival instincts."

They entered a Fro-Yo place when Jamie asked them how'd they rate the movie.

"I gave it a nine point five," Jamie shrugged, "But I accept that I may be bias, cause I love the classics with passion. The point five is simply because it didn't have as much twists as another remakes so far."

Jim deadpanned, "Five." he said. "Just because I really didn't need to see Mufasa die twice... and realistically."

"Seven." Hiccup answered, "For the same reason as Jamie's except I don't love Disney that much... and I haven't seen other remakes to compare, but yeah, still seven. Loved the CGI effects, though. Convincing mouth movements, though the lack of facial expressions were a pain."

Jack shrugged, "Ten." he said. "Had a fun time, movie met its purpose; movies are for entertainment, didn't make me hate the songs."

"Same." Astrid agreed. "Because, damn yes, more girl power please."

Dimitri shrugged, "I just want Fro-Yo now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys enjoy or hate about the remakes? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
> 
> Spoiler alert (?) For those who have yet to see the remake


	7. Group Reac(ha)t: an intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **JMie** Jamie  
**OverFrosty** Jack  
**VkingDrgn** Hiccup  
**sk@terboi** Jim  
**dimwit** Dimitri  
**@str!d** Astrid

**Jamie enters the conversation...**

> **JMie**: *attached file 'Today's homework'* 
> 
> **JMie: **pls tell me you have your textbooks home with you.
> 
> **OverFrosty:¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**
> 
> **JMie: **Damn you, Jack.
> 
> **VkingDrgn: **im bringing it to him
> 
> **OverFrosty: **❤️ bring some noodle soup. mum still can't get the recipe i like right.
> 
> ****VkingDrgn**: **Yes milove
> 
> ****VkingDrgn**: **sorry! uh, muscle memory
> 
> **DaMan: 🍆🍑 **get sum

**Jim changed name to dimwit**

> **sK@trboy: **don't change it till the end of this month
> 
> **dimwit: **jokes on you, i actually love that now. Cause you made it.
> 
> **sK@trboy: **t(-_-t)
> 
> **dimwit: **aw he's blushing
> 
> **OverFrosty**: anyway, Jamie, dude...
> 
> **OverFrosty**: WTH IS THIS
> 
> **OverFrosty**: The 'W' is for 'Why' btw
> 
> **JMie**: ???
> 
> **JMie**: i dunno you tell me.
> 
> **OverFrosty**: WHY ARE MICE BETTER IN KIDNAP CASES THAN THE POLICE
> 
> **JMie**: oooh 
> 
> **sK@trboy: **don't know whether to be surprised or not that you got that
> 
> **JMie: **must be talking back 'Rescuers'
> 
> **JMie: **Damn, haven't seen that in a while
> 
> **@str!d: **what's that babe?
> 
> **JMie: **a unjustified forgotten disney movie
> 
> ****sK@trboy:** **a what now?
> 
> **JMie: **oh boy, where do i even start
> 
> **JMie: **Okay, try watching it here first: [https://www.123movies.gdn › the-rescuers-watch-free](https://www.123movies.gdn%20%E2%80%BA%20the-rescuers-watch-free)
> 
> **OverFrosty: **Duuuuude
> 
> **OverFrosty: **dnt leave me hanging! Bad enough i got the pox at this age!
> 
> **JMie: **LoL
> 
> **JMie: **pm me bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna write shorter react moments here, for the rare almost forgotten Disney movies


	8. Beauty and the Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how American school system works, so apologies for any inaccuracies

Classes were cut short for the day, by noon, all students were dismissed. The school board along with the faculty and some PSA had a conference then short meeting afterwards. For the rest of the day, the squad found themselves in Jack's home as his father was part of the conference. His mother was off at some volleyball boot camp, as the medical aid for the trip. His sisters were having their own day out at their friend's, Cupcake, house.

Jack plugged in his Xbox, and they played a (not so) friendly match of Mario Kart. They cursed at each during the entire thing, especially at Dimitri because Yensid knows what kind of site he goes to, pulling off random cheat codes in button combinations. Luckily, his mom put a strict limit of two hours of video games; three for Role-playing games, plus extra if he does more than his share of chores for the weekend. So no one got pissed off long enough to warrant break ups.

"Now, for the less agitating one," Jack sets up Netflix, scrolling through Disney, and he sets up a video camera to capture their reactions. "I still regret not having the sense to do a reaction video last time. Jim's reaction to Mufasa dying was golden."

Jim scowled, throwing a pillow towards the guy, to which the white-haired teen dodged deftly.

"So, I wanna watch the remake after this one, because damn, is it one of the best that did major fix-its." Jamie grinned, "still wish the birds got screen time, but whatever."

"Birds?"

"You'll see."

───────────────

_ **The Enchantress transformed the Prince into a hideous beast...** _

"What?" Dimitri scowled at the screen, "Okay, I get the 'selfish' and 'unkind' shit and stereotype in transforming the guy, but come on; not letting a complete stranger in even if she had a nice rose to offer? That's common sense."

Jack shrugged, "Maybe... he could've politer about it?" he said unsurely, "But you're right. And what Prince would open the door to his castle himself? Not to be a prick, but isn't that what the help is for?"

"That's another thing!" Jim glared at the screen, "What the hell is up about cursing the entire castle with the guy? An 'All-for-One-One-for-All' deal? Maybe she's the beast."

Astrid stared at her boyfriend, "You're not going to tell them to 'suspend disbelief' or something?"

"Nah," Jamie shook his head, "Still love this movie; the songs are awesome. But out of all the classics, this thing has a load of plotholes. Easily ignored when I was a child, but now, I'm asking questions. Gen Z kids probably asked questions, too."

Astrid hummed, "I hear you," she said. "we're starting with the Stained glass prologue, and already, it's kinda shady."

"The remake definitely did a good job with the fix-its, though." Jamie shrugged, "still my favorite remake so far, though it's neck and neck with Aladdin."

_ **"... than this Provincial town!"** _

Dimitri snorted, "Okay, rude. What the hell is wrong with a provincial town?" he immediately added, "and don't say 'No Wi-Fi'. You have horses and mountain views to enjoy, screw Wi-Fi."

"For once, I'm not gonna call you out," Jim nodded, "she's basically shaming the whole town... And the whole town is shaming her! Does, like, no one have ears?"

Astrid scoffed, "And Gaston's just the worse." She groused, "worshiping a misogynistic pig; so rampant."

"Much worse then than now, to be honest."

"Still not any better," Astrid shook her head,"you'd think they'd evolve by now."

Hiccup scratched the back of his head, "Real talk, though." he started, "Belle could start some sort of reading learning center instead of throwing shade. And, like, how is that book store still in business? He lets his customer BORROW and RETURN the books... THEN GIVES A BOOK FOR FREE!"

"Maybe it's a library?"

"Then where's the friggin' reading hall!?"

Jamie snorted, snickering at his friends. "Boy, I can't wait for you guys to see the remake."

_ **Maurice meets Cogsworth and Lumiere...** _

Jim face palmed, "Yes, there are talking supposedly inanimate objects, with human like courtesy, offering you a place by the fire," he shook his head. "No, doesn't seem like a thing to question or run away from. Not even gonna ask how a Teacup is a pot's damn kid."

"I hate to say this, but Lefou and Gaston probably had it right," Astrid sighed, "maybe the guy isn't right in the head. I mean, I would be questioning why there's a large, dark castle in the middle of the woods, and no one is paying mind about possible monarchy negligence?"

Jamie stared at her girlfriend, "Wow, when I first watched this, I just wondered where his parents were." he said.

"When you first watched this," Astrid added teasingly, "you were a kid. It's adorable how sometimes, you still are."

Jamie blushed, "I don't know how to respond to that."

Astrid simply laughed and gave him a quick peck. 

_ **"I just don't deserve you!"** _

Asrid whooped and cheered, "Yeah! You tell 'im, Belle!' She hollered, "Honestly, the guy is so full of himself. She's not even interested to spend one minute with him; never mind a whole life in matrimony!"

"Yeah, like, they're a bit ditzy, but still pretty attractive." Jack mused, "and at least they already like him; Gaston should just pick one of those blondes..."

Jim rolled his eyes, "Doesn't seem like it'd mattered," he said. "He marries one, they can just change outfits and take turns with the guy."

Everyone stared at Jim.

"That..." Jamie started, "is... so true. Man, maybe that's the real reason he didn't just go for them in the first place."

_ **"Be... Our... Guest. Be our guest, be our guest, put our service....!"** _

"Ooooh, so that's where that song from Lion King's remake came from..." Jack mused, "And why Timon suddenly turned French."

Everyone hummed, "I was wondering why most people in the cinema cracked up immediately." Hiccup mused.

"Still one of the best alterations of the live action version." Jamie noted sagely.

Jim rolled his eyes, "Maybe the only real alteration worth noting."

"Wouldn't say that," Jack shrugged, "the hyenas being smarter... a bit... was a good touch. And more Serabi involvement in the plot."

Dimitri shrugged, "Took the scene out when they boned though."

_ **Belle runs away as Beast screams at her...** _

"Really, Belle... it was the one place he told you not to go." Jim shook his head, "you should've expected the guy to literally go 'Beast mode'."

Dimitri turned to Jim, smiling smugly, "So, you wouldn't go to the West Wing if you were in her place, just because someone told you 'don't do it'?"

"I wouldn't even make it that far," Jim snorted, "pop's would've hightailed it outta there the moment the candlestick greeted him."

Hiccup shook his head, "My dad would probably burn the castle down," he said.

"Hm, if I was the beast though, I'd probably do something about the decor." Jack mused, "make an ice palace or something... with better furnishings, though. Like comfortable beds, and better bathrooms. Not like whatever that thing Queen Ella made in her movie."

Jamie snickered, "Jack, your gay is showing."

"Dude, half the room is filled with guys in gay relationships." Jim deadpanned, "it's more accurate to say your straight is showing."

Jamie narrowed his eyes. "Okay, I'm stumped." he turned to Dimitri, "what doesn't he judge?"

"Dude," The other brunette deadpanned, "I could go on all day."

**Part 1 of 2 TBC**

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I actually like some of the remakes, and appreciate the fix-its that come along with some of them. But I do miss the original stories and Animated ones. 
> 
> Also, I love the movies. But I'm also seeing the point of how the "Mouse house" goes too far sometimes. Like, with the whole Spiderman's icon on a grave thing, among others.


End file.
